Nighty Night, Don't Let The Vampire's Bite

Naw! Don't let the title alarm you. You can be rest assured now, vampires do not exist....whoo! Boy let me tell you, this is quite a load off.

Yes it's true folks, we can thank physicists Efthimiou and Gandhi, whom conducted thought experiments that completely ruled out the theory (?) that vampires exist. They figure that at the time vampires possibly came to existence, Jan. 1, 1600, that the human population would have been wiped out by 1602, according to the US census at that time, which was around 536,870,911.

However, with their findings, in steps Dino Sejdinovic, who destroys their theory stating that vital information was not taken into account. Such as the birth rate of non-vampires and the "real" death of vampires, as stated in his article "Mathematics of the Human Vampire Conflict" (Math Horizons, November 2008). Sejdinovic also cites two Austrian mathematicians, Richard Hartl and Alexander Mehlmann to help aid his theory. Hartl and Mehlmann argue that vampires would not be stupid enough to deplete their own food supply, that they would have adapted other means, such as "cyclical bloodsucking strategy" - whateverthefuck that is.

If you are still interested in reading the rest of the story, here ya go!

Physicists Prove That Vampires Could Not Exist