Come Inside, I Wont Bite

I thought it would be fun to do a post about mwha. Stuff that I rarely show or let in on. My fears, quirks, and things that really piss me off. If you have read some of my stuff, you already know that I believe in reincarnation, the paranormal and think that the belief that God is our ruler is a load of crap.

My favorite color is Orange. My hair is orange (it's not really red as people choose to call it), my purse is orange, if I had the money, my car would be orange, my dog would be orange, okay you get the idea. Oh yeah, and my bass guitar is Orange. Throughout my life I've had a few fav's, but have never felt so strongly in a color as this. I'd have to say it suits my personality well. Fuck! I almost forgot, a while ago, I realized eating too many carrots over time makes your skin turn orange. That, however, did not suit me ans was rather difficult to explain. I found a website that describes the meaning of colors, here's Orange:

Introducing orange

Orange, a close relative of red, sparks more controversy than any other hue. There is usually strong positive or negative association to orange and true orange generally elicits a stronger "love it" or "hate it" response than other colors. Fun and flamboyant orange radiates warmth and energy.

Interestingly, some tones of orange, such as terra cotta, peach, and rust have very broad appeal.

How the color orange affects us physically

• Stimulates activity

• Stimulates appetite

• Encourages socialization

Interested in more? Read on:

Color: Meaning, Symbolism and Psychology

My quirks. This one is a little difficult, because to me these things are normal. I only know I have them because I've been told about them followed with laughter.

I love my coffee. You could say I'm addicted, If I was told today by a doctor that I had to go with out to live, I think I would have to look the other way. My coffee is very strong, each pot consists of half the filter filled with the grounds, but I'm always fearful that it's still not enough, so I have to add an extra tablespoon to make sure. Also, I can never leave the house without my coffee. Even if I'm just going to get gas or something quick, along comes the coffee, and sometimes I never even take a sip, but I know it's there. I'll forget everything else, but never the coffee.

This one is pretty dumb. When we grocery shop, I get very anal about how the things are put into the cart and on the conveyer belt thingy. Mostly on the belt. All like items have to be together. All cans have to go together, and then within those like ones side by side. Boxes have to go with boxes, cans with cans... always. If not, I begin to get anxious. I get really weirded out, if I find out we missed a can, and the cans previously have already been rung up. If I could, I would ask that the belt be stopped and the items taken off the receipt, to be rung up again with the lost can. That sounds pretty OCD to me.

I'm sure there is more, but I cannot think of them right now, it's prolly some block in my memory for whatever reason...lol

Let's get into my fears,shall we? Fear is something I can say I definitely have. I fear many things. My first one, but not on the top of the list, only because it is the first real fear I think I remember. The Ocean.

I fear the ocean because of what lurks beneath. This began when I was small, I remember we had and encyclopedia set that had vivid pictures of the strange creatures deep down. The Angler Fish is the one I remember most... Good God! WTF is that! And, then I saw the movie "Jaws". It was over after that. To this date, I can only go into the ocean as far as my knees (so I can still see what's under there), and even then, not for long. I would love to be able to take a cruise one day, but prolly wont. My fear would be that the ship would sink. I don't have to worry so much about the oceans now that I'm living in Idaho, I have a new fear Sturgeon. And this beauty (shown below) was caught in the Snake River, which less than a quarter mile from where I live, Oh, hell to the No!

Since seeing the movie Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the original, not that it matters), whenever I hear a chainsaw, and you here them alot here in Idaho, the hair on my arms and the back of my neck stand up. It's not a run and hide kinda fear, it lasts only seconds, well okay unless it's dark outside (and, there is only one reason I can think of to run a chainsaw at night), which I've yet to hear, but it sends vivid gross pictures streaming through my head.

listen - Chainsaw

The darkest fear I have is that of being raped and killed,

which is pretty morbid I know. I think that began while living in California. My mom always worried about me when I went out with my friends. And, I can remember when Richard Ramirez was on the loose. My mom hardly let me out then. This is not to say we don't have our share of psycho's here, because we sure as hell the fuck do. What worries me most, is you really never hear about most of them. The town I'm living in is very small, and in small towns, they like to cover shit up, to make things more pleasant seeming. You want to know something even more psycho? The prison here in town, is right up above and to the right of the high school. Yep that close. The prisoners in the yard would be able to view the students outside. Scary huh? Our psycho ward is right next to that. Another wtf moment.

The last fear I have to offer you, is my fear of dying without being recognized in some way. Another silly one. There are those that would say there is much to remember about me, but none I can think of that aren't the typical of everyone. It could be too, that I also feel that I will do something recognizable before I go, and so I better get moving on this thing, eh?

People bother me. Don't be offended by reading that please, for I hope you are different then all my experiences, but really wake the fuck up! In general, people are so friggin selfish. Friendships aren't what they used to be. It used to be that you could count on your friends to help out without anything in return. To listen and understand you without judgement. To just be there for you and only you. They are two faced, I see it everyday. And, big assed hypocrites. The so-called Christians are the biggest hypocrites of all. The only friends I have are my family, and I am so thankful for that. I thought I had one true friend, but recently found out, I was very wrong. I have a strong feeling that one day, that situation will be resolved, though. This friend I speak of, I shared absolutely everything with. He knew me almost better than I knew myself. Because of our circumstances, we lost touch for nearly 5 years. This year he found me and we started communicating again, but things went awry. We bickered and argued all the time, something we had never done before. I think though that it's because of what he's going through, and myself, that we see things differently now. People as a whole, have lost touch with reality. No one wants to take responsibility for their actions anymore. They are superficial, everything is about money and social status (take a look at my space for instance). Every now and then however, I see humanity which hold my faith that one day things will change, though I think it will take something pretty catastrophic, mmm say martial law or something. Then we will really need each other, to be truthful and accountable and responsible.

My sweet side, I love:

• Animals
• Hello Kitty
• Sponge Bob
• Children
• Hide and Go Seek (or, hide and go fuck yourself)
  
• Sparkly things
• Soft things

My dark side, I enjoy:

• Horror and Gore
• Weird interest in Serial Killers
• Charles Manson and Hitler to name two
• World Domination
• I'd love to be a Hit woman
• Be the person that injects Death Row Inmates
• The Gothic Look
• Dark Art, Giger to be exact

Hmmm, that's all I can think of right now, but it sure gives you and inside look at this red-head for now. Thanks for viewing and I welcome any comments, good or bad *sneers....lol